Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Puking In Cabs

Author: Hadacol (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-06-05 19:16
Status:

Hola. As some of you may know, I recently began driving a cab and I extended an invitation to comousers to be the first to puke in my cab. I have acquired some new information on the subject.

I don't know about the other cab companies in Columbia, but A*1 charges $50 extra if you puke in the cab. I'm supposed to warn people if they look like they might spew. Friday I had one girl come close. She did 25 shots for her 21st birthday (parents came in from StL to assist in the ritual) and valiantly held out until her front yard, where I watched her puke 25 shots.

Last night I picked up 3 people outside of Shiloh, 2 who were pretty bad off. And, as luck would have it, there were only 2 of 4 windows on the cab that worked. One of them came close to grabbing the coveted 'first to puke in Garner's cab' rights, but, luckily, I was quick enough with the window switch, and he only puked on the outside of the cab.

3 nights down, no nudity, no sex, no hold-ups, 4 ER pick-ups, one solicitation, and one puker.

I got hosed Saturday and was stuck with a piece of shit cab. Fine enough for drunk passengers, but the radio didn't work and I had no heat or defrost. I had near zero visibility in the rain and was freezing after washing the cab in the wind at 3am. Plus, most all of my fares were boring and I had a couple of turbo bitches. Lots of cancellations and crappy tips.

Pretty much all of the other drivers are morbidly obese, and 350lbs of ass in a car seat 24 hours a day tends to break down the seat foam pretty quickly. So, I get to spend 12 hours driving a car with all of the comfort of a park bench or sleeper sofa beating the shit out of my lower back.

That's just me complaining. Friday was cool, I had a lot of fun drunks and cool fares, and drove a bad ass minivan (the Maxi Taxi). We'll see how Monday goes. I'm getting a little worldly advice from fellow psycho drivers on picking up the chicks on graveyard shift at the gas stations and getting kickbacks from the working girls at the saunas for directing them johns from the hotels. Stay tuned for the next installment.
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: cloudhopper (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-06-05 19:50
Status:

thanks for the update
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: Allen (---.prs-bsr1.chi-prs.il.cable.rcn.com)
Date: 11-07-05 01:32
Status:

One day a real rain is gonna fall...and wash all the scum off the street.
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: Firedancer (208.18.8.---)
Date: 11-07-05 11:11
Status:

Sounds like we now have a direct connection to the armpit of our community. awesome.
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: Culito (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-07-05 13:10
Status:

What's the going tipping rate these days? A couple of bucks? 20 percent?
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: redneck (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-07-05 13:58
Status:

I want details on the "one solicitation"
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: Hadacol (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-07-05 14:09
Status:

Tips vary widely. I work twelve hour shifts, so I start at 4 pm with old ladies and cheapskates who don't tip, do some medical transport which is typically prepaid and without tips, and then get all sorts of fares as the night goes on. Of course, drunks typically tip better, and you can always tell who works in the service industry. Groups can be good, because if they split the fare 5 ways they'll all tip a little more.

I have yet to try to average it out by fare because I don't record the tips on my driver's log and it's 4 am when I get off. Also, it depends a bit on the amount of the fare because it's generally all cash and people will tip a little more if it rounds out to a 10 or 20. I'd say, if I had to guess, the average tipper tips about 15-20%. A lot of students don't realize that the fare may be as high as it is so they get caught a short on cash, which can cut into my tip.

My best tip yet was $17.45 on a $22.55 fare. Apparently the working girls will give you a kickback if you bring them a john who spends a lot of money. I've also been told that the ladies will try to trade sex for fares when you take them to Western Union to send their cash to their pimps. I'm told that even the girls at the saunas have off-site pimps they report to. Sort of pimp subcontracting.

A lot of drunks are very gracious when you pick them up, especially after 2 am, because I think many assume I'm called out of bed to come get them or something. Friday night I had pretty much all good fares, they were having fun, they were gracious, they asked for my business card, they tipped well. But Saturday blew. Everyone was shitty, cranky, quiet, and generally didn't tip much. One chick told me I was going the wrong way and we argued (politely) where Providence was (we were 3 blocks away on Broadway) until I showed her the sign. FYI, out of a 12 hour shift, probably 8 hours are spent circling downtown, so I've got that shit down.

I'm guessing tonight (Monday) will be fairly slow.
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: Hadacol (---.client.mchsi.com)
Date: 11-07-05 14:41
Status:

The solicitation. Well, I alluded to it in a follow up to my first post, but, more detailed:

My first night. Tuesday night. Pretty slow. No drunks. Old ladies. Quiet. Calm. I had some romantic illusion that every night would be like Taxi Cab Confessions. I was kicking myself for taking yeat another boring, shitty job.

At about 3 am I get a call from dispatch. I'm being sent to 'Germantown.' When the dispatch radios that I have a call, they give a general location but no address. That's because they think the other cab companies are scavenging calls off of our frquency. So, when I get in the area they radio back with an address.

I'm told that this is an 'experience call' and that I should lock the doors and demand cash up front before I let anyone in the cab. I'm more than a little paranoid.

When I get to the area, I'm a little surprised that it is not seedier than it is. I remember looking at duplexes in the area a few years ago. It is pretty clean, open, and well lit. I see a house with lights on and a black woman in her early thirties opens the door and waives. I wait in the cab for someone to come out for a couple of minutes. I can see people shuttling back in forth in the living room and maybe a kid or two through the open door.

Eventually the woman comes storming out, beer in hand, followed by an angry husband type fellow. He's trying to keep her from leaving and she's arguing with him. It's not panicked but it is tense. She is drunk and loud and pissy, and yells for me to open the door, which is locked. I politely ask her if she has any money for me and she yells something about not robbing me or not paying with food stamps and is pretty demanding. I let her in and she continues her love/hate drunk discussion/argument/emotional outpouring with her husband.

We finally get out of the driveway. Dispatch isn't supposed to send me without an address for drop off, and I'm not supposed to take off without one from the fare. I ask her where we're going and she says 'just take me downtown.'

"Where at downtown."

"Just anywhere downtown. I'll find some place that's open. It don't matter. I just gotta get ot of here."

Then she asks if we can just 'drive around.' I told her that I had to take her somewhere and drop her off because I had other calls. Then she says she's going as far as $10 will take her and then she wants out. But, she says to go towards Sexton and Mikel. Not, friends, what I consider downtown.

She's manic, crying about losing her step-father that day, mad because her family was at her house and she had to get away, that she had to grieve by herself, that her daughter didn't get to say good bye to her grandfather, etc, etc. She tells me that she's 'drunk, fucked up--but not out of control.'

Anyhoo, we head towards the hood. Somewhere along the way she says something about the fare and if there's anyway we good work/trade it out. I sidestepped a bit. She said 'I need to be held, it could be your lucky night.'

Then she made some more blatant offers. I told her that was nice but I couldn't pay my rent with a blow job. She said she would pay for the fare and then we could party later. I told her that sounded nice, but "I don't think my old lady would like it much." I'm single.

We got closer to her stop. She kept trying to get me to go 'one more block, one more block.' Now I'm wary of a set-up again. A lot of robberies in Columbia involve at least one woman and a dude. I thought she was luring me into a trap. I stopped and tried to get her out of the cab.

I kept telling her that I had to get back, that my dispatch would be looking for me, that I was trying to get off work because I wanted to go home.

"well when you get off, baby?" Damn.

"I'm not sure. I have a bunch of paperwork to do before I can go home and I don't know how long it will take, because it's my first night."

"well when do you think you'll get off?"

"I don't know."

"will you come pick me up when you get off work?"

"I don't know, I'll have to see when I get off."

"well come and get me baby."

"where you gonna be? You can't hang out here."

"oh I'll be right here."

"well, we'll see."

"and I could give you gas money to take me home tomorrow. It don't cost money to ride in your car, does it?"

"There ain't no meter in my car baby."

"well you hurry up and you come get me."

"we'll see."

"What kind of car you drive?"

"A gray Chevy."

"A gray Chevy."

"Yeah."

"well hurry, baby, I'll be waiting."

It got a bit more graphic at times. She said something about "you can wear my little pussy out" or something. I was doing my best to not hurt her feelings, sending her into a manic fit, and get her the fuck out fo the car before I got ambushed by a crack dealer. Total time elapsed was probably less than 20 minutes. This was all for a $10.30 fare and a tip I wasn't about to cash in on. Of that the cab company got less than $7.

When I went back to base to call it a night the dispatcher told me she knew they were drunk, that they were fighting on the phone, that she was beligerant, and that she asked if she could pay with food stamps.

And this was my first night.
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Re: puking in cabs [ Block Author ]
Author: LB (---.dhcp.missouri.edu)
Date: 11-07-05 14:57
Status:

wow..I feel so sheltered.

ugh...

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